Turtles, Lumber and Beer

The perfect place and beverage to share some casual conversation.

If we were having a beer…well, I’d be having a beer, you would be late.

“Where have you been? I’m halfway through this Yuengling.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know we had an appointment. Were you going to give this stool to someone else?”

“First paying customer gets the stool.”

“Hi Cheryl. Since he’s already started a tab, I’ll have a glass of Meiomi.”

“Actually, I’ve enjoyed talking to Cheryl. She’s been reminiscing about turtles.”

“Ah, Happy Together, I always liked that song. But, aren’t you a little young to remember that song, Cheryl.”

More please!

“Not those turtles, you dope, these turtles .”

“Oh, OK. I keep forgetting your Florida connection. We don’t see many turtles around here.”

“Actually, if you drive to our Public Works building, you’ll see a marked turtle crossing.”

“Turtle crossing? Oh my God, how long does that take?”

“It can take a while, but they’re cute little guys.”

“The weirdest ‘crossing’ sign I’ve see is the goose crossing sign in Enfield. But, I’ve never seen them on the street.”

“I have. I’ve been stopped by geese there, and my wife was stopped by wild turkeys at that same intersection.”

“Not to invoke the old joke, but there’s a big field and a pond on the south side, why do the geese cross the road?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve seen 20-30 geese in the parking lot across the street. Maybe they’re waiting on a delivery.”

“Speaking of deliveries, did I see a Kelly-Fradet truck coming out of your drive last week?”

“You did. He was dropping off the lumber for our porch project.”

“I thought you had a trailer. Why pay extra for delivery? Why not save some money and go to Home Depot like the rest of us?”

“Wow, there are so many things wrong with that question.”

“Wait. Cheryl, before he enlightens me on the finer points of buying lumber, can you refill this wine glass? Please…”

“Sure. That first glass went down pretty fast.”

“It goes down faster when he’s paying, but I never have more than two. So, what don’t I understand about Home Depot?”

“Well, for starters, you think it’s cheaper. You might pay less for one or two 2x4s, but when you write up a bill-of-material for a project, the lumberyard is usually a better deal.”

“Ha – remember Caddyshack? – Be the ball. ‘Where’d it go?’ Right in the lumberyard.”

“I love that movie. But, back to the point. Lumberyard. Cheaper.”

“Yeah, but why pay for delivery?”

“It’s not just delivery. I went to the lumberyard, gave them my order, picked a delivery date and paid. They picked the boards, they loaded the truck and they showed up at my house, and the driver helped me unload the lumber. All for thirty bucks.”

“That is a pretty good deal.”

“That and the fact that two of the boards were 20’ long.” (6.09 m)

“Yikes! Why so long?”

“They get nailed together to form the beam across the front of the roof. The brackets I made carry the beam, the beam carries everything else.”

“How are you going to get that up there?”

“I was going to hang a pulley off a large ladder and use a winch.”

“You were going to make… A crane?”

“Well, I’m not sure I’d call it a crane, but something along those lines.”

“Wait a minute. Why are we speaking in some weird future-past tense? Are you using the crane or not?”

“Not. Well, maybe someday, I did test it, but we decided not to build the roof.”

“Whoa. What happened.”

“I installed one of the brackets, and using that and a ladder and the prototype foam bracket, we mocked up the actual footprint of the roof. It was too big.”

“Why not change the design?”

“We thought about it, but nothing worked. The brackets were going to be in the way of my snowblower, the roof rafters were going to be in the way of the door, and we just didn’t like the look. So, we decided to stop before really starting.”

“I give you credit for that. In fact, I’d buy you a beer, except you already paid.”

“He didn’t pay yet.”

“You don’t understand, Cheryl. He started the process. He’s begun the transaction. It’s like that turtle heading across the street, you have to let it play out.”

“Oh, I understand. He tips better than you, too. That’s why this Yuengling is on the house.”

“Well, since his beer is free, he can afford to top off my glass of wine.”

“Hang on a second. What happened to ‘I never have more than two?’ Didn’t you just say that?”

“Oh, that’s when I’m driving. My wife dropped me off today. You’re driving me home. So, that’s your last beer.”